More then anything...

...I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask? So I love taking these career tests. I love taking tests in general. Am I not weird? Anyhow, here is the results of one test.

Career Inventory Test Results Extroversion |||||||||||||||||| 60% Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Orderliness |||||||||||| 40% Altruism |||||||||||||||||| 53% Inquisitiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% You are an Inventor, possible professions include - systems designer, venture capitalist, actor, journalist, investment broker, real estate agent, real estate developer, strategic planner, political manager, politician, special projects developer, literary agent, restaurant/bar owner, technical trainer, diversity manager, art director, personnel systems developer, computer analyst, logistics consultant, outplacement consultant, advertising creative director, radio/TV talk show host.

Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

So you guys tell me, which career path should I go after among the ones listed above. I have three ones Im considering right now: economist, hydrologist, and urban planner. They can be added to the list. As always I could stay in management and sales, but I dont think I should continue to get better at something I dont like very much. Its sad that Im good at something I dont really like. I want to apply it to something I do like and one of my dreams is to help my friends and family start their own businesses. So I dont know, you tell me what you think would be a good career path for me. all suggestions welcome. ;)_

Still Sick...

Yes, Tom convinced me to go to the doctor today. Cost me 25 bucks for the doctors visit and 10 bucks for the amoxycillin. You may think its cheap but I think its a rip off. The doctors spends maybe 5 minutes with you and writes a prescription out. God, I should be a drug dealer and make easy cash like that. lol.
The other thing killing me is gas prices. Its close to 3 bucks a gallon now. Tom and I are buying motorcycles very soon. With the cost of gas being the way it is they practically pay for themselves in the money you save from driving gas guzzling Jeeps and Mustangs. We can thank hurricane Katrina for that.
I have two job interviews tomorrow for some very promising positions. If I get them both I once again have to decide on commision vs. salary. gotta love it. Its kinda funny cause the salary position is an interesting one. So I applied for a recruiter/trainer position with Advantage Rent a Car. And I get a phone call from the lady that hires for them. I was busy so I said I would call her back later and she gave me her cell. I thought that was rather strange. So I call back and she asks me a few questions about my previous work experience. (I had previously worked with Hertz rent a car.) So I told her and she said, I know you applied for this position but we have a position I think you would be great for. Im like, ok, tell me. And basically they want to hire me for some operations managaer position at Denver Int'l airport. I asked her what my responsbilities would be and how many people I would be overseeing and stuff. She said they do over a million dollars a month in volume and I would be supervising upwards of 40 employees. it gets better.... ;-)
The other job Im applying for is a sales position where I would be selling steel fabricated buildings to people interested in building various buildings, houses, churches, industrial and commercial buildings, etc. Basically Id still get to be a contractor, I would just be contracting different stuff. Supposedly the commisions are huge and I could be making upwards of 100k a year.
Both sound a little too good to be true, but Im going in with both eyes open. If these jobs are half of what they are made out to be then it would be good. Tomorrow Ill let you guys know how things turned out. Right now I must get some beauty rest. ;-)

Im sick

Yeah, I got it all. Sore throat, runny nose, sneezing, coughing, congestion, hurting, headache, diarrhea, etc. Yeah I know you like that last one. Upset stomach to match too! But enough about me, what about me?
Yeah, so Im job hunting. As usual... sometimes I wonder if Im better off just sticking with what I got? But I dont want to settle when I know there could be many more things out there that are so much better. Will I never be satisfied? Am I truly ADD? Maybe not in the larger sense, but maybe IN the larger sense. Am I making any sense?
I gotta find something that can keep my interest long term. I just always want to improve things. Is that so wrong? I always want to strive to improve and be better. Partly competitive, but its mostly about hope. Hope for something better. That there is something better. But am I truly doomed to never finding satisfaction is that is the case? If I always strive for something better, can I never be happy with what I have? Hmmm. Contentedness. we shall see...

Realization

How we get hung up on other people..... only did I realize by watching someone else do it. ever knowing I was doing the same thing and still willing to do it even though I knew it was stupid.
JDay9821: I get hung up on girls
anonymous: why? Unless you spend a lot of time and pour love into them, why?
anonymous: they're just girls
JDay9821: one word,....
JDay9821: hope
anonymous: hope for the one?
JDay9821: hope things might work out even if we are lying to ourselves
JDay9821: we cant accept that things just didnt work out with that person
anonymous: does that mean I'm hopeless. I don't feel hopeless.
JDay9821: we hang on to the good things, ignoring the bad things, and say, If only....
JDay9821: not that things couldn;t work out
anonymous: Yes, I do want to find my soulmate, but it's really not my priority. I hope for it, and wish for it, but I wish and hope for a job and a chance to see Italy more so than a boyfriend. Does that sound cold and superficial?
anonymous: Or maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking that so I won't hope and be crushed. Or maybe I really don't have a deep desire for it. No, that's not true because I do want to share my life and have a family. Yea, it's pretty much a big mess.
JDay9821: No it doesnt. I guess no matter how much I know we arent meant for each other I still hope that things could maybe work out in the end
anonymous: why? You need to let go when you know they aren't the one. You're wasting time and their time. Meanwhile, the one meant for you or the other might pass you by.
JDay9821: "we" as in those girls I still have hope for
JDay9821: yes there is more then one
anonymous: Really more than one you hope for? Like a lottery of sorts ;-)
JDay9821: maybe
anonymous: OK, tell me about some of the girls in the running and why.
JDay9821: guess it all comes from the question, have I met her yet and dont know it, or is she yet to come? who else is out there? is there really only one girl for me?
JDay9821: Im not even going to begin telling you about the girls I might be interested in
anonymous: good question. Maybe there will be many that will pass through your life, but one that God has planned for you. Or maybe God has three planned for you. I have no idea.
anonymous: whynot?
JDay9821: three planned for me, like a harem of sorts ;-)
anonymous: yea, Jeremy the sultan. You do live in a bachelor pad after all.
JDay9821: because ultimately circumstances would probably prevent me from being with any of them, at least thats the case at the moment
JDay9821: lol
anonymous: so what's the point of hoping for them?
anonymous: if you know already there's no way
JDay9821: thats just the point Im trying to make
JDay9821: you know it hasnt worked out, but you hope anyhow
anonymous: don't waste your time.
anonymous: Time and love are precious.
JDay9821: well thanks
JDay9821: im not anyhow
anonymous: alright, alright...don't get your panties in a bunch
anonymous: ;-)
JDay9821: its just you cant help but hope sometimes that circumstances will change, people will come around, etc...
anonymous: people don't come around
anonymous: maybe you or they will change, so feelings might change, yes. But if they don't change, nothing changes.
JDay9821: it can also be argued that people dont change
anonymous: true that.
JDay9821: circumstances change though
anonymous: or rather, you can't change people, only God can offer them the chance and they can choose to change.
JDay9821: sometimes its hard to tell the difference
JDay9821: especially if you're deluded
JDay9821: kinda like Romeo and Juliet
anonymous: circumstances definitely change, but usually people don't I agree
anonymous: One thing I've learned, you take people as is. Damaged goods and all.
JDay9821: anyhow, im just saying that hope keeps us
JDay9821: aint it the truth@!
anonymous: I suppose in a way I too hope. Hope to find someone who'll think I'm great. Faults, idiosyncracies, hangups, and all. Just like everyone else.
JDay9821: I guess maybe Im hoping that someone in my life right now could be that person, and u hope someone will come into your life
anonymous: I suppose also that I keep my hopes closer to my heart and aren't so obvious about. I'm more guarded and weaker than you are in that aspect.
anonymous: that's a good way of putting it Jeremy.
anonymous: friendships are more of a sure thing, romantic relationships aren't.
JDay9821: true
JDay9821: i always try to turn my relationships into friendships
anonymous: You can be dumped, battered, beaten, and left to rot at any turn.
anonymous: how?
anonymous: unless it's an amicable split, that's impossible.
anonymous: ultimately one is dumped.
JDay9821: if things dont work out Im accepting of that fact, and I just do what a friend does
anonymous: usually one is dumped because the other finds something lacking in the other person and that cuts deep. Things can't be hunk dory after that
JDay9821: im clear on my expectations, and hopes
JDay9821: no, but time heals all wounds
JDay9821: granted it doesnt always work but Ive been happy to call many girls Ive had romantic relationships with friends
anonymous: yes it does, but time also changes people. And you think back to "what the hell was I thinking?"
JDay9821: lol
JDay9821: maybe
JDay9821: but more often then not, its why didnt I see this side of her before, and I appreciate them more
anonymous: then again, take nothing I say seriously because it's all in theory. You have more experience with this than I do.
anonymous: I can't believe you just said that! You're truly a gracious person Jeremy.
anonymous: not many people would say that
JDay9821: thanks
anonymous: you're welcome. Far be it from me not to give credit when credit is due.

Everything is good, until you really look at it

Only the naive think everything in life is hunky dory. It constantly amazes me that we can be so grown up in some areas and so immature in other areas. When is comes to business, Im all business. I do very well for myself in a business climate that doesnt really value the young, the minorities, or women. I also just negotiated with both owners of both companies Im trying to work for an agreement that allows me to earn money from both of them at the same time. #1 rule if you are going to be an employee: make yourself scarce. In other words, be more valuable then the next guy.
More time commitment now equals less time commitment in the future, and the ability to pursue even more things. "It is necessary to be slightly under employed if you are to do something significant." - James Watson, 1928 American Geneticist.
Something more then everything. To help you understand this concept better I just asked what attracted Tom to a certain girl. He said everything. I said most people can't handle being told that. And he finished by saying, ...even the things that shouldn't. And my reply to that was, "Something more then everything." That is the true answer, but you cant really put that answer into the words you want. What is that something?
Its the same way with me. I want to accomplish so much. I want to accomplish everything Ive set out to do. Many people say it cant be done, but I keep proving them wrong slowly but surely. Its something more then everything. Its an idea. Its what makes life worth living. Sometimes it comes down to proving the nay-sayers wrong or getting some sweet revenge on ill-placed words. But mostly its about setting ourselves apart. Unique as we are, we want to be more unique until we are so alien we become amazing.
Something more then everything. We want more then everything. We fool ourselves when we think we do. What we are really looking for is a small thing. One little thing that we think all this everything will bring us. Does it all have to come together for us to achieve that one little thing? Its a matter of contentment with what we have and obtaining those little things we want that are big things.
Lastly, I want to recommend the book, The Kindness of Strangers, Penniless Across America. Its about a man who decides to travel across America without a penny to his name relying on the kindness of strangers along the way. The surprising thing isnt so much that he makes it, but just what kind of things ultimately matter in this life. The other surprising thing for those that havent heard it before is how giving the poorest of people can be, and who ultimately helps him along the way and how they help him. Im very tempted to take my own trip by doing just that.
Ill leave you with a quote from the book. "I've never understood what people mean when they say they have to find themselves. We know who we are. The hard part is being that person. It's always so much easier to be somebody else.

It was fun while it lasted...

Its a shame that things dont work out for the better. I decided today to be friends with a girl I have been dating for awhile. I got my hopes up, but things just arent working out between us. Its hard to believe how something that started out so great in the beginning stalls out in the end. It just wasnt meant to be. I was excited because this was the first girl to come along in a long time that I thought I could be serious with. Apparently, she wasn't ready for the serious relationship she said she was ready for, at least not with me.
I guess Im just a little bit worried that I wont find the girl Im looking for. Everyone says stop looking and thats when they come. Well I gave up looking awhile ago. Im going to play it a little cooler next time and not get my hopes up. Maybe a little more pessimistic, maybe a little more cynical. Its times like these that I wonder if Im capable of having a romantic relationship at all. Then I remember all the great times Ive had in the past, and I become more accepting of the fact that sometimes,... things just werent meant to be.


p.s. a little after this post I talked to her on the phone for about half an hour. I guess I put her on the spot about how she didnt say what her thoughts and feelings were and she said some things she probably didnt want to say. she basically said she just goes with the flow and we were nothing more then friends from the beginning. and you know what, it no longer hurts, it just makes me mad people wont talk openly about this stuff. granted, I probably made a bigger deal out of it then I should have but, I had to know how things could change so drastically from the beginning. Guess our intentions and expectations werent clear and didnt match up at all. its a shame. I wish I could go more with the flow, but in my opinion it doesnt work. Relationships are intentional. Shes of the opinion that relationships go best when things just flow. I cant totally disagree with her, but if you're going to date someone and then you just want to be friends you should at least say something and not just continue letting things flow. It leaves the other person confused and a little hurt when they are expecting a relationship to go one way, and the other person is headed in another. Ok. Im done, but it will take some time to let it go completely. >:-<

Quarter of a Century

I am finally 25. How do I feel you ask? I feel great, I feel capable, I feel strong, I feel happy, and somewhat contented. Although I probably will never be fully contented Im at peace. I have people that love me and want to see the best for me. Im being myself. If I could just transcend all the daily hassles of life, especially the financial ones, Id be in heaven. But who wouldn't?
"There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God." This is mentioned more then 5 times in the book of Ecclesiastes in one way or another. It is my guiding word in life. I only write it now because it was the word of the day on Way FM radio. It made me think, "Hey, I'm enjoying the work I do and the life I live. Things may change, but I will be contented with what God has for me in this life" That thought alone makes me happy when times are rough and at their worst.
There are still many things I want to do in this life, but they all come in good time. One of my biggest urges still is to get to China. Another one is to go back to college to be a professional or a professor. ;-) A third is to start my own business. A fourth is to get married and have kids. A fifth is to start a band, and get more into music and film. A sixth is to be a better rock climbing and a skier. A seventh is to complete the Ironman in Hawaii. Seven is a very complete number. I know I talked about completeness before and how unobtainable is seems to be, but accomplishing these seven things, some vague, some not so vague, would make me a very contented person indeed.
The only one Im not really working toward now, that I want to start working toward, is going back to college. I want to be more of an expert in some field, and I know I dont have to go back to college to do that, but I realize, as much as I like sales and as much as I am great at it, I know I dont want to do it for the rest of my life. At least not in the capacity I do it now. Im thinking Im going to stick it out with Mcguyver Painting just because it seems like the best way for me to go through college and still work to make enough money at the same time. My goal is to be back in college by next fall 2006. One year from now Ill be headed to university. Those of you who are my encouragers please keep on me about it.
Tonight we are having a party to celebrate my b-day. Im so excited. The days and the years sure go by fast. My friend Alex is getting married in October. Another one younger then me getting married. haha. I just think its funny how things work out in the end. Especially how we cant predict anything it seems. I love it! Until next time... Via con Dios.

We all gotta follow our muse...

"Who can say whether the new career will do it or what. It does make a difference, but keep in mind it's the learning part or starting-up part that is rewarding for ENTPs. Once you feel you understand it, it's not engaging anymore and boredom ensues. ENTPs need careers focused on descreet "projects", each one being somehow new and different from the preceeding project. I'm sure acting would be like that - each play and character is a totally new challenge. Tom Hanks might be an ENTP."

I read this in a forum today and it so defines me and why I do the things I do. I have this need to work on projects. Each one being new. Thats probably why being a painting contractor is so great for me. Each job is new. It keeps me hopping and I like it. I dont like the more monotonous aspects of it such as making phone calls but each job has its ups and downs.
Im just happy Im getting closer to that thing that I really want to do, am good at, and benefits other people in a special way. Im thinking of getting into a more advisor, counselor, trainer, teacher type role. We shall see. Anyway, Im off to bed. Tomorrow is my 25th b-day!

My favorite new song...

Staind - "Right Here"

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

Our new doggie

hi here is a pic of our new doggie. He is so loveable and cute isn't he? Im so happy I can finally ad pics to blogger. Sweet! Ill add more soon. lata.

p.s. his name is SOLO

Coming to Terms

Yeah, Im coming to terms with the fact that I am a VERY hard person to get to know. To most people it doesn't matter too much because they only want to get to know me on a certain level. Romantic relationships on the other require that you get to know a person VERY well. Its not easy getting to know someone. It takes time and effort. Things I know but I learn more and more everyday just how hard it can be. Ive said for awhile now that I need a wife who is a mind reader. ;-)
Its not that I dont want people to know me. Its that I have trouble expressing who I am inside. It hurts when the people I want to know and understand me most have trouble getting to know me. I want to help people get to know me better but I dont even know where to begin. And this also worries me because maybe I dont know people as well as I think I know people. Ive never really had an issue with getting to know someone. I feel like I can understand most people, but am I wrong? Am I only touching the surface most of the time? What makes one person feel like they can't know another person? Why do people perceive me as so guarded? Am I really?
These are just questions running through my mind. I dont wanna feel like Im distant from someone simply because they feel like Im distant from them. Yes, I can be in my only little world sometimes... most of the time..., but Im a thinker. Thats who I am. If you cant understand that then maybe you arent meant to know me better. And thats a shame because I want to know you better. hmmm. Help me help you. Thats all I ask.

Disclaimer: This is in no way directed to the reader of this blog. Think of it as a conversation overheard.

Should have called earlier

You know, sometimes I disappoint myself. This is one of those times. Im a bit unstable right now in my choices, my decisions. I hate being put on the spot to make a quick decision. What Im disappointed about is that this quick decision was preventable if I would have moved faster when I had the chance. Yet I let it go. I didnt take the chance, when I should have taken it. I waited too long and when I was put on the spot I chose no instead of yes, when I wanted to say yes.
Yet things work out in the end... goodnight...

Excitement

Im entering a rather weird time in my life. Sort of feels like the calm before the storm. In my mind, I envision myself in a large area, its rather dark, like twilight is coming, with glints of light coming from a distance. And Im walking on water. It is silent except for my steps which make the smallest sound. Right then left. Like being born maybe.
Its so hard to explain but I feel like Im barely grasping onto life. Like life is just coming into vision. Things are just starting to form. The edges are barely being made out. Im finally feeling what it means to be alive.
The vistas are opening up and I see the possibilities. The world is wide open to me and I can do anything. Im gaining this quiet sense of satisfaction with life in general. Its beautiful.
Im also becoming more fierce about protecting those special times. Work was overwhelming me for awhile. I realized I needed more balance. I was dead set on going backpacking come hell or highwater. and I did. now that has spilled over to protecting other areas in life that are important to me. I didnt run a marathon I had wanted to run back in June and Im disappointed in myself for that. It was getting my priorities straight that made the difference.
Contentment, wherever Im at. Even though Im constantly searching for something new Im truly content wherever I land. Maybe I dont want to be content. I love everything new. If I didnt have anything new to look forward to, then my life wouldnt be complete.
Ah, that word complete. It seems to be a theme lately. Perhaps I want completeness less then I think. Or what I really want isnt what I need. Or what I think I need isnt that at all. I echo others sentiments.
If you understood this blog, feel free to comment. If not, ask me to explain it to you. I imagine most of you will get it. ;-)

Juror #9

So I was a juror for a few days this week, and I turned out to be an alternate, which means I got to see the presentation of evidence, testimony, and opening and closing statements, but didnt get to deliberate with the other jurors. They gave the guy a verdict of not guilty. I wish I was there to see it. It was a bit of a let down.
On the flip side, the backpacking trip was awesome. I wish I could have stayed out there even longer. We had our ups and downs, literally..., but all in all I think everyone had a great experience and most want to do it again.
Anyhow, Im not much in the mood to write, but its 3am and I cant sleep. Too many thoughts on the mind about work, about dating, about balancing my social life, about making things work. Too bad no one is on IM to talk to. *sigh*
You know, sometimes you just say to yourself..., "if only this, this, and this happens my life would be complete." ha! I know its so wrong to think that, but thats what Im thinking right now. when did jeremy ever want his life to be complete? lol. sometimes you just gotta pause and enjoy the moment. man, Im trying to do that. really! and heres the but. but, im accomplishment oriented. relationships arent one time deals that you accomplish and then move on among other things. ive treated them that way for too long and hurt a lot of people in the process. now it looks like im setting myself up to be the one that gets hurt. as forrest gump would say, "Thats about all I got to say about that".