I wanna explode

Im a confused jumble of emotions and thoughts right now. I havent been home since Lindsays wedding and things seem way too..... normal. It feels soooo normal to be here its strange. I just had dinner with my mom's side of the family, my grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Chad, has got his business up and running and has just hired another employee. Im so proud of him. He said he saw over $200,000 go through his hands last year, but he sure as hell didnt make that much. In a few years he will be pretty well off but building that business is tough.
Im going to basically start my own painting business with this company. I think it will be good training for me and a good step toward owning my own business. Ron still has hopes that Ill help manage his company when it gets going. I still plan on helping Jason get his recording studio going, and hopefully our own band and a record label. I also might get back into personal training.
Anyhow, thats besides the point. I guess I just feel a little detached. As you can see, Im having trouble sorting it all out. For the first time in a long time, I want to be able to love someone again. I want to own my own business. I wanna be free to pursue the things in life I want to do. I wanna see the world, and not be stuck in one place all the time. I wanna feel, I dont want my senses dulled. I wanna feel alive, not "just livin". I wanna talk about more then the weather. I wanna have courage and hope, and I wanna be around those people who have great hope and courage. I dont want to be around people who are afraid and have no hope. I hate it.
God I wanna help people live more courageous lives and help myself live a more courageous life filled with hope, freedom, joy and love. Dont you?>