Snowy Sunday morning

So I just got up and I am checking my email. I cant go to church this morning because I have no transportation. This stinks. You never know how reliant we are on our cars till you dont have one.
There is a squirrel on my window sill this morning. I think he is trying to keep warm, he looks like little fluff ball.
Anyway, its not final yet but Im looking to get this Ford Ranger that Im getting a real deal on. Ill let you know more later. I havent been able to find a decent car thats worth the price and I havent been able to find any Jeeps in my price range. Ill probably look a little more but if the Ranger looks ok then Ill end up with that.
4 more weeks till Christmas!!! ;-)

Ok, its for real now.

The SHO is dead. As of Nov 26th 2004 around 1530 MST the Taurus threw a rod right through the engine wall. There was only so much I could do to keep her alive this long. Well Im going vehicle shopping tomorrow. Looking at getting a Toyota, Hyundai, or Honda car. But more then likely Ill get a Jeep or most likely Ill get a Ford Ranger. We shall see. Guess I gotta grow up and start paying lots of money for a new car. *sigh*

Off to work I go

As I head back to work this morning I realize just how lucky I am to even have a job. I happened to leave AIM on last night and this morning I had a message. So I read it then I read her away message and this is what it said:
"I am thankful....
...for the taxes that I pay b/c it means that I am employed."
...for the spot I find at the far end of Ship's parking lot b/c it means I am capable of walking."
...for the piles of laundry and ironing b/c it means I have clothes to wear."
...for the alarm that goes off early in the morning b/c it means that I am still alive."
"...give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I am thankful for the job I have, but I am also thankful for who I am and that God is leading me to my rightful place in this world. I won't be there forever, or here forever for that matter.
So the point has been driven home again that I need to be in business for myself. There is no getting around it. Im here to start beneficial businesses and help others do the same. Tahitian Noni here I come. ;-)

Give Thanks!

The things I want to give thanks for:
1. My Creator for giving me life and a wonderful place to live, and always loving me no matter how much I mess up in this life.
2. My parents for coming together and staying together through the hard times, and giving me birth, and always being their for me the best they could.
3. My two loving sisters who mean the world to me.
4. All my friends and family, especially the friends I consider part of my family. I love you guys for the good and bad we have shared together through the years and all the times from now till the time comes for us to depart.
5. For living in America, despite everything wrong with it, it is still one of the best places to live on the planet Earth.
6. For music, art, film, etc. because they give our lives deeper meaning.
7. For technology, that helps us enjoy things previous generations never thought possible.
8. For all of creation and the chance to explore it all, for the playground it is that God has given us.
9. For books, the written word, and all those who sacrifice energy and time to write to the world their thoughts and feelings regardless if they will see any profit from it.
10. And Im thankful for hope in the future. That no matters what happens good things are always waiting around the bend if we look for them, and even sometimes when we dont. ;-)

Thanks,
jeremy

Who Am I?

Ever feel like you just don't belong? Like you are becoming a person you never thought you would be? Work has changed me way more then Im happy with and my inner person is yelling at me. Excuse the "inner person" talk but I didnt know how else to say it. I really gotta be me regardless of what it takes. I cant work at a job 50+ hours a week that I like less and less each day. My co-workers are all pissy people for lack of a better word and most of my waking hours are consumed by work. Its not healthy for me. Im willing to get by on less. I feel like Im running away from what I dont like rather then toward what I do like, and I dont like it. lol. More later...

I miss

old times beckon but I dont want to look back. I want to look forward. I wanna go forward. let me go forward to something better...

Time flies...

...but Im not having fun. All I do is work and somehow Im ok with that. Is that sad? I guess Im just very future oriented right now so Im ok if the present isnt all that great. My life is like a puzzle. Right now I have finally gotten most of the pieces and I can start putting it together. I guess most of my life is going pretty well right now except that Im pretty lonely. I dream of the day when I can work with my friends on businesses we have started together. *sigh* Im so tired. goodnight...

Gay Hair Dressers and Tow Trucks

So I went to get my haircut today and the girl I got my hair cut from last time was booked all day so she recommended a guy named Dave. Dave was one of those guys you could tell was gay right away, but you would still think he was cool. He told me a good portion about his life story. He graduated high school early so he could go to college for psychology or art, and his parents ended up telling him to work. So his dad got him a job working on the trains. Good money, but he hated it. He saw friends die working on those trains. He tried to get fired but everyone liked his dad so much they wouldn't do it. So now however many years later he is a hairdresser afraid of success. He told me that straight up, no pun intended. He also makes these very succulent dishes for his family and friends. He told me all about the creme brulee and carmel pecan cakes that he has made. I told him he should open up a bakery but he is afraid of success. Oh well. Such a shame. But he cut my hair really well so I guess he is where he belongs.
So I make $500+ a week working about 50 hours with no real vacation time or any other time off for that matter. So Im thinking of changing it to working 60 hours a week driving a tow truck making $600-1000 a week and the ability to take off whenever I want as long as I let my boss know ahead of time. And its flexible enough to go back to on and still make decent money. I think I might go for it. We shall see.

Acceptance

As we grow up we hear a lot of people who are usually older then us tell us that we need to be accepting of others, but how much do we hear that we need to be accepting of ourselves? Im stupid for thinking otherwise and an idiot for not recognizing the truth.
So our high school pastor has stepped down after two years in the ministry and is now pursuing his passion. Improv theatre. Go figure. Im sad to see him go, but very proud of him for following his muse. I applaud everyone, especially my friends for pursuing their passion. And it makes me wonder and feel really weird, because I know who I am but Im not always accepting of who I am. Sometimes I think my friends know me more then I do, but the honest truth is that they dont. They are just more accepting of me than I am. And I thank you for your honest appreciation of who I am. Man, its so much easier to tell someone else to pursue what you see in them than it is to tell yourself.
So this guys name is Russ. Im sure he will be more famous someday, but we were talking and I was like. You should play drums in my band. He is 32 and married with a 1 year old kid, but he is one of the coolest guys you will ever meet. Anyhow, he said yeah if I ever had the time. Then I said Im not a good drummer, guitar is my thing. Then he went on to say he wished he was a better guitarist. And I was like, you know its funny that its human nature that we just cant be satisfied with our strengths, we are always looking at something else to be good at when we arent. And I was like, you are a funny guy, why you want to play guitar? And he laughed and said, you are so right.
And the conversation went on from there and there is so much more I want to say because tonight was such an eye opener for me, but its too much to type. But I got my main point across. Its like adding logs to the fire inside me and making it bigger. haha. Hope the analogy works for you guys. Goodnight!

254000

You know, I have so many little insights all day long that I keep thinking would be awesome for my blog, but I forget most when I get home. This one I didnt forget because it struck me as memorable. As I pulled into work today the above number was staring at me from my dashboard. That number is roughly the circumference of the whole Earth at the equator. My car has been from Maine to California and if Im crazy enough it will also go from Florida to Alaska. That car has seen both oceans, at least half the states in the union, and just about more highway miles then any other car on the road today. Damn, Im proud of it.
So enough of that. Here is the insight for the day. Have you ever pulled into a gas station where someone didnt pull all the way through so you have to go around them and back in to get to a pump, and then they need to back out when they leave? Why do people do that? Doesnt that sound like common sense to you, my fellow readers? And no, its not because someone was in front of them when they got there. I fill up cars usually about 3 times a day with gas. Today I watched the price drop from a 1.89 in the morning to 1.87 in the afternoon. And I watched not just one, but two people pull up only to the first pump, causing me to have to go around them. I consider 2 statistically significant in this case. I always pull all the way through if I can just so I dont have to back up if someone pulls in front of me. Oh and get this. I pulled in the same time as this woman who pulled in facing me. We both pumped our gas roughly about the same pace and we were both ready to leave at the same time. Well being the lazy person I am Im hoping she will back out and then I can go forward. So Im just kinda sitting there acting like Im writing something. So I wait about 10-15 seconds and I look up and she is doing the same thing, like looking in her purse or something. And Im like, I cant believe this is happening. We are both waiting for the other person to leave. So after a good minute I decide to be the bigger of the two persons and I back my car up and pull out. Then she pulls forward two seconds later. Humans have such silly games, dont we?

Life Lesson 1: Surround Yourself with the Best

Like Trump says on the Apprentice and in life in general, "If you want to be successful, surround yourself with the best people, the cream of the crop." Well you know, Kerry is truly a top notch politician. I admire his speech and not dragging America along like that idiot Gore on another election quadruple count. Im glad he wasnt a sore loser like Gore.
On the other hand, I have to wonder just how top notch he is when he surrounds himself by a bunch of idiots. Hey, Bush may not be the smartest cookie in the bunch, but Cheney is amazingly brilliant, as well as Carl Rove. And Bush learned early on to keep his idiot daughters on a short lease. And Bush's wife is the perfect first lady. Bush had this election in the bag since day one. I had no doubt in my mind Bush would win re-election. The GOP now controls just about everything in America by majority. Its great. Im excited to see what the next 4 years brings.

p.s. Crossfade is my band of the week. Check them out!

so right yet so wrong

for whatever reason I'm going through some changes right now. being intentionally vague Im going through these changes because I was wrong when I thought I was right. I thought I knew some things but I found out I didnt. Thought I was settled but Im getting less settled everyday. Thought I was happy but I watch as my happy thoughts float away. Come and go quickly and offer brief respite from the duldrums. sounds like a song. where did my love go? where did I go wrong? Intensity is what I look for. My senses are dulled so I fall for the need of more. I cant think, I cant sleep, I cant rest anymore. where?

being pessimistic

You know, I generally regard myself as an optimist, but lately Ive been discovering that a little bit of pessimism can be a good thing. Work has been exceding my expections alot lately and you can thank my low expectation pessimism for it. After working at 13 other jobs and seeing what working conditions really are like number 14 has not gotten off to a good start in impressing me.
I was all excited to work where I am working now, but it has gone bad. My manager hardly ever smiles or tells me Im doing a good job. Now granted most managers can be like that, but she doesn't even thank me. Well she does but its rare. I was thinking hard about going to that sales job today. Luckily I only worked there half a day. I was asked to switch places with another employee because I didnt have my company uniform yet. Yes, they actually got me a suit to wear. Oh, well the reason was that the airport I work in was having their 40th anniversary and it was a dressed up affair. You know, normally the free food would have had me complaining that I had to leave, but I was just glad to go. And thats saying something because I love free food.
And I have been trying to figure this out about myself. Why I have this need just to leave, and move on. I guess its a few reasons. My high tolerance for risk? My high need for change? My low tolerance for bossy bosses? My high need for autonomy? My low need for verbal abuse? My high need to be surrounded by happy upbeat people?
You know, my favorite job was working for UPMC. My boss was great. Everyone thanked me and made me feel at home there. I had a fair amount of autonomy there. And I wonder, should I keep looking for something better or suck it up and deal with it. Tom says I should suck it up because it pays well, its steady pay, and we plan on buying a house soon. But then will I be stuck? Will it drive me insane? Will it continue to give me sleepless nights?
Maybe Im making it sound worse then it is because I know many people would be happy to have my job. But am I? Is there something wrong with me? I know I have a strong work ethic, and I know Im not someone who cant hold down job because I can. But why is it that I keep feeling this way even about a good job? Good old American restlessness. Ah, I dont want to talk about it anymore.

Proud to be an American

Ok. I didnt write two. So sue me. I couldnt stay up late enough to see who won. But my predication was right. Bush won a very clear victory. I was about to entitle this Dems are Sore Losers, but Im proud to see that Kerry could put away his pride and truly put America's interest first. He will have a very strong chance at getting elected in 2008.
Rudy Giuliani is the other guy looking to run in 2008. Im reading his book on Leadership right now. So far it is excellant. Im excited to read more of it. Sadly, I dont have much time to read. Im so tired. Tom keeps me up playing video games. I only got 6 hours sleep last night. For whatever reason Im not sleeping as well as I used to. Geez, Im just getting old. Ok. Enough rambling. Goodnight!

Pre-Election

So yeah, I broke my pact but to make up for it Ill write two today. Its so exciting to watch one boob go after the other in the election. Who will win? Left or right? Time will tell. Lets hope the win is a clear one and doesnt take till January to sort out.
So I went and voted today. It took me a good 10 minutes to read all the referendum crap. I didnt even vote on all of them. Making smokers pay more tax was a definite yes! Sorry Tom & Tom!
Speaking of Tom this is what he has to say: And I quote"Who will win? The big giant douche or the shit sandwich? Put up a voting poll, big giant douche or shit sandwich. And he wants to let you know, yes he voted. "Its a damn crying shame when you walk in to exercise your God given freakin' right to vote for the leader of your country and all you have to choose from is a big giant douche D-O-U-C-H-E and a shit freakin' sandwich. And some guy Nader, who isn't going to win anyway." "All ye concerned citizens, do not fear, for I will run for president on my 45th birthday. You gotta be 45 to run for president, right?" End Quote
We both wanted to vote for Nader, but couldn't bring ourselves to do it, cause he just isnt going to win. I wonder how many people said that to themselves this election? Thoughts to ponder.
So my official guess is that Bush will win with a clear victory. Come back for my post-election party and commentary. Yes, we will be serving alcohol. Peace!

p.s. I read this in someones Aim info. "Bush & Dick - The perfect combination for 2004" ;-)