Who I am

I like to sit back and think things through. When I have a good thought I must say it. It must be exact and I choose words carefully to make sure my message gets across. I don't like it when I have to babysit people and hold their hands. Everyone needs at least some level of emotional support, but I am not the one to give it. What I can give is a listening ear. And if not empathy, understanding. If you want a clear, thought out, objective view, I'm probably the best person to give it. If you want someone to calm your fears and make you feel like everything is going to be alright, then I am not your man. What I can do is calm your nerves and help you think through a situation. Emotions can cloud your judgement and I can help minimize the effect emotions have.
I have trouble letting my emotions out. I do feel them, sometimes very strongly, but they are hard to express for me. Music helps me to feel what I am feeling in a stronger way. It helps me feel passionate. I also like to be around positive emotional people because they lift my spirits and help awaken my passion for life. My intense curiosity also helps me to get along in life. So does my ability to focus. I am very able to block everything out of my mind except the essentials. This works both ways because sometimes I do not do so well when I try to listen to people and empathize with them. People are looking for immediate feedback and I do not give it until I have thought it through.
I have a near photographic memory, but my hearing is impaired. I am not sure why. Two of my heroes are Thomas Edison and Beethoven because they both accomplished great things even though they were deaf. Speaking of accomplishments, I am very much the person who needs to accomplish things in this life. I can't seem to just live. I always have to be pushing myself. I can never seem to be satisfied. My hope is that I can find something deep enough to plunge into that will hold me, but I doubt I would settle for it. If those are the right words, I am not sure, but it is true. I am restless.
I sometimes feel like I live in a fog. Nothing seems to matter and I get very nihilistic, but then I emerge from the clouds and everything is blue sky. Then I come back down again and wallow in this mess. I do not believe I have any type of psychological disorder, except perhaps ADD, I just feel like I ride higher highs and lower lows then most people. Life is a crazy adventure for me. Everything about me, my intense curiosity, my need for new things, people, sites, and sounds, my ability to focus, my restraint, and my fervor, all come together to create a life that pushes all boundaries. I can not stop, I can not rest. I wish I could. I long to find satisfaction, but like the song says...

Oh, the troubles I've seen...

You know, just when you think it can't get worse, it does. I feel like Job. Actually Im sure my roomate feels more like Job then I do, but thats another story. Last week we had to take the dogs to the emergency vet because they ate some poison and the bill came to $521.00. Wow. Then the next day I thought I was breaking up with my girlfriend. So I got a haircut and baked a cheesecake and everything got better. Right? Wrong! Monday night I was back with my girlfriend, who happened to notice a bulge in our hardwood floor. I went downstairs to see what the problem was and it turned out that a hot water line had busted, and water was spraying all over the wood floor and running down underneath our foundation. AHHH! We have someone coming out to inspect the damages tomorrow, but in the meantime we have no hot water. I just heated some water on the stove so I could get a shave in. lol. Back to the stone age. Not really. At least we have electricity so I can use my computer to write this to you. Anyhow, its off to work for me. I'll give you the update later. In the meantime, I just keep praising the Lord as much as my little soul can. Peace!

Am I crazy, or are they?

So I have been an admissions advisor for almost 3 weeks now. IT is truly a great job that combines my skills with my passions. But of course, there is still something missing. As great as a job as it is I know I can't stop here. There is more. But the good thing is that I can work my butt off at this job and feel a great sense of satisfaction.
Hardly anything satisfies this soul. I have started my MBA and I am enjoying being back in class immensely. The funny thing is that I already know I will not stop there. I will eventually go on to get my Doctorate degree. I just know it.
Last but not least, I am totally confused about relationships. The romantic ones. I don't really understand how someone can date for 4 years and not get married. Where is the commitment. Why be in it that long if its not meant to be? Im the kind of person that would rather find out sooner rather then later. How can a relationship be that good yet still not good enough to commit to it another 4 years, and possibly another 44 years. Maybe the thought that being married to someone longer then we have been alive thus far is too scary for anyone to take in and therefore they don't get married. When I see that I begin to realize why in America half the population is divorced. Ouch! It hurts. I never want that. But what brings it about? Am I clueless, am I crazy, or am I actually right in my beliefs??? I am struggling to maintain and make better my own relationship right now, and I feel clueless as to how to make it better. Guess maybe, it takes two to tango. ;-)