It might be chronic

Yes my condition that never allows me to stick with anything. Im an escapist. I like to put myself into situations so I can escape them. I dont know if thats entirely correct but its close. At least close to what I think I do. Its the perfectionist and the thrill junkie in me both working toward making me completely unstable.
Its like Ive tasted this, there has to be more. So I move onto the next thing, and then the next. Hell, its a great ride, but man will I ever find what Im searching for. Am I searching for nothing, or is there SOMETHING out there. Am I even searching at all for anything or am I just wandering and restless?
Do you ever feel like you arent living your life? Like its living it for you? Or you arent being yourself? I know we all have, but its mostly temporary. Im talking permanent. Permanent as in you changed your whole life because of other people. Became someone you originally werent because it wasnt acceptable or right or best to be who you were. Have we all changed like this or am I alone?
Ive always been drastic in my actions. Do I have a need to be? Different? Yes. But... sometimes I feel Im just wrestling with myself. I cant tell.
Which leads me to my dreams and thoughts when I was young. For most of my life I wanted to join the military. Ive thought about it off and on, but just the fact that Im still thinking about means its something I should do so I dont regret it. Ahhh. Regrets. Such a harsh word. Such harsh things. All encompassing they are. I dont wanna live with them and you probably dont either I imagine. Who does? Regrets=not following what we believe is true and right at the time. Ah, I wanna scream out loud. Frustrating this thing called life. Ecclesiastes 8:15